Second But First First Times
by Evil Icing
Summary: Someone's first time is someone else's déjà vu. Luckily, Marik and Ryou are in no position to dwell on the past. Post Memory World. [99.9% angstshipping… super slight adult content.]


**A/N: This is really just a desperate excuse for me to practice angstshipping. I'm sure this has probably been done before a million times, but it's such a fun concept. Also, I thought about making a prequel to this later on. Just because _now_ I've got myself curious. You'll see what I mean after you read. Thanks for clicking!**

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 ** _Second But First First Times_**

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"Ryou, I… can I tell you something?"

Marik swallowed so hard he nearly choked after finally spitting out the question in exhausted breaths. His lips felt dry and sandy as he chewed on them desperately, paranoid of what might happen next. In truth, this probably wasn't the best time for a confession; he realized this two seconds after the words had left his mouth.

The pale boy beside him shifted a little. He brought the sheets up to cover himself fully. Still blushing, a coy look etched across his smile as he looked up at him. "Was I _that_ bad…?"

"No! Ra, no… I… _no_ ," Marik stuttered. Maybe it was too much of an overreaction because now he definitely had Ryou's attention and he hated to see him worried like this, and… maybe it was best to just say it. The words. The things he should have said sooner, yet how? He had practiced this in the mirror, alone, and it was so much different than seeing him face-to-face, his reactions, his smile...

"Ryou, um, you… this… I just wanted to tell you that…"

Ryou had fully sat up now, sheets drawn delicately around his hips in an almost feminine way. He was always beautiful like that. Without even trying, with a certain air of unwitting innocence in everything he did. "What?"

Distracted, Marik looked away— _anywhere_ but those eyes. That soft skin, stretched thin and almost translucent over protruding collar bones. Those five tiny, curious puncture scars decorating his smooth chest. Those hips...

Marik was _certain_ he knew Ryou's body better than Ryou knew it himself.

He crumbled.

"This isn't the first time that we've…done this."

An uncomfortable silence would have been heaven compared to the void that seemed to fill the room. The words sunk through the bed, to the floor, maybe to the depths of the Earth below. Heartbeats were out in the open for all to hear.

Ryou blinked, long eyelashes that could almost be heard amidst the miserable silence. "I beg your… _what_?"

Marik immediately turned back to him. He grabbed pleadingly for his hands, for his hair, anything to keep him close. "I… I just… Ryou, I've done this with you before, and I just needed to tell you. I mean, it wasn't really _you_ then, of course, but…"

"Wait, you mean… help me understand this, Marik. Are you trying to say... you've been with me before, but you mean… it was with _him_?"

Marik averted his eyes. "Yes."

"The Spirit of the Ring… when he was me? My body? You…?"

"Yes," he repeated, quieter this time. The idea sounded viler coming from Ryou's sweet lips than his own; it made him feel even guiltier that way. How many times must he corrupt him in one lifetime…? Surely his evil half had done that quite enough already.

Marik couldn't quite tell if Ryou was mad, or sad, or disgusted… what _was_ that expression? It was almost like a blank stare, confusion swimming through his eyes. He looked tired, and empty and absorbed all at once.

Ryou looked to him, and then away a couple times, and then back… his mouth opened slightly as he hesitated. "Was it when…?"

"Battle City," Marik said quickly, defensively, "it was close to when we—the Spirit and I—met the first time. Please don't forget that I… wasn't quite myself back then either, you know…"

Ryou sighed, laying his head back down onto the pillow. "Marik, wh-why would you sleep with me… with _him_ , like that?"

Marik smiled, although still sadly. He wished he could let his fingers do all the talking. "For the same reason I'm in bed with you right now, silly," he said. "I wanted you the first time I saw you."

Ryou blushed. "That's not…" he stopped himself as he reached a hand for Marik's chest. He ran his fingers slowly, lovingly across the bronze skin, loving the way Marik involuntarily parted his lips any time their skin touched. Even now. "I just don't… understand. How I don't remember... How _this_ can be the first time I've had sex, but yet at the same time you're saying you've done this to me before and _I_ wasn't even there…"

Marik captured his wandering hand within his own, tightly gripping it as he moved closer. "I know. I know, it's sort of… very fucked up." He pulled Ryou against him as he lied down completely. "I guess I just wanted to apologize, you know…? Back then, I never really knew who you were at first… the only Bakura I knew was the one that I had met that day." He stopped as he watched Ryou think. "I… you were… kind of _there_ though," he continued, painfully. The memories from back then, though not completely disagreeable, were almost a blur in his mind.

"What do you mean?" Ryou asked.

"You see, I… you know I had the power to release and control minds with the power of my Millennium Rod, right?"

Ryou nodded, slowly, eyes lidded with doubt.

"Um. Well, towards the end of us… _you know_ … I set your mind free, really, just to prove a point to that cocky bastard that I was in control, and…"

Marik stopped again, raking a hand through his messy hair… this was ridiculous! What was he doing? Why did he have to bring this up? Now of all times? He finally, _finally_ had made love to him for the first real time; just them, this time, with no spirits or ancient secrets or Millennium Items… He wanted so badly, ever since this had become a thing, to bring this up to Ryou. Not to hurt him, not to break his trust or upset him, but… just to be honest with him. As a friend, as a lover, as a…

Ryou continued to look uncomfortable; really, he hadn't stopped ever since their very first kiss. He was sometimes still delicately reserved, not unlike how Marik remembered him to be the first time in particular… the time in question. How could he expect him to understand?

Marik pressed his lips to Ryou's forehead, though not in a kiss. "I stole your first time from you, without your permission, even before you knew about it… are you… angry with me?"

Ryou's lack of a hasty answer was certainly daunting, but Marik knew he was probably just confused more than anything. It was complicated.

His tone was almost a hint of sarcastic as he murmured into Marik's neck. "And here I thought _this_ was my first time…"

Marik clutched him tighter. "Ryou, it is, I mean… it was… I…" he stopped to look him in the eyes; amethyst stared into the darkness. "Look at me. I want you to know that this means everything to me—you mean everything to me. This time was special, especially since it's really you this time." He was afraid, in the end, his sad smile wasn't going to fool him any more than he was fooling himself.

Ryou's lip quivered slightly. "I thought you said I was there back then, too," he replied flatly. Marik hated that tone. The tone Ryou mostly used with strangers and situations he didn't want to be in.

"I, well, yeah," Marik said with a nod. "You really… don't remember anything?"

He shook his head. "No, nothing… even then, it was probably just the other me, if anything, pretending to be me like he always did."

"No, no, this was different. I used my Millennium Rod; even Bakura couldn't fake me setting you free from the Ring's grasp. Maybe he just wiped your memory of the encounter, or something."

Ryou slightly pulled away, scaring Marik at first, until he realized that he was only attempting to sit up again. "Tell me about it, then, won't you? What… what you did to me?"

Marik looked uncertain until Ryou half-smiled. "I think it's only fair that I should know what was going on since it is _my_ body, after all."

"I just don't want to upset you," Marik said softly. "Or remind you about him, or those days…"

"I'm not upset," Ryou replied. "I promise, Marik. I… know that things are complicated for us. They always have been. Even now, I… I never thought I'd be sitting like this naked in a bed with you, or _anyone_ for that matter…"

Marik smirked, stroking the other's hair playfully. "It was bound to happen, I told you… I wanted you ever since I saw you."

Ryou still continued to blush, even now, after all that had been said. "So… was I… um, did I enjoy it that time? The real first time?"

Marik scoffed, almost ashamed. "What do you think? I… you really want to know?"

"Yes," Ryou said, fingers lacing with his, urging him, "I really want to know. I won't… be angry. I just want to be aware of everything that… happened to me. Back then." He couldn't hide his frown. "There's so much I don't know, and I want to know everything. And no one ever tells me. Like they think I can't handle the truth, or don't deserve to know… Even the bad things. The horrible things. The bloody _awful_ things I couldn't control and he made me do. I do deserve to know, don't I…?"

Marik watched painfully as his eyes began to water, and it wasn't hard to understand that Ryou was undoubtedly talking about something much more than just sex now. His possession by the Ring had always been a sensitive subject, yet at the same time a subject that he always seemed to find. He hated and loved talking about it all the same. There were clearly very few people in the world that could truly relate to Ryou's feelings in this matter, and Marik liked to hope that he was one of them; at the very least, he could understand where he was coming from.

"Fine, I'll… tell you. If you really want to know so bad," Marik sighed. He didn't expect Ryou to want _details_. "Well, we were… almost finished. We'd been going at it for a while." He awkwardly cleared his throat. He made sure there were no further questions before he continued; Ryou looked astoundingly unfazed. "I was waiting for the right moment, when you—when Bakura—was getting close, and… I was going to set _you_ free in that moment just to remind him of who was really in control. To deny him of that single moment of pleasure just to show him I had all the power."

Surprisingly, Ryou chuckled. Not _exactly_ the reaction Marik was looking for, but it was a huge relief. He almost looked amused.

"Marik, that sounds… just like you."

"It wasn't really, _completely_ me, back then, mind you!" he reminded sternly, frowning. "So I did it. I gave you back control of your body right when you were… you know. You were, obviously pretty confused, and I'll never forget those innocent little noises you made when you realized what was happening…"

Ryou sharply bit his lip. "M-Marik, are you making this up? You make me sound so… embarrassing! I think you're just getting excited again…"

Marik nipped playfully at his cheek. "And what if I am…? You told me to tell you everything, didn't you…? Maybe I should just… act it out for you, to remind you?"

"Marik, I…!" Ryou was cut off as he suddenly felt himself straddled, the skin of his stomach burning hot against the soft skin of Marik's inner thighs. The sheets were suddenly all but discarded from them.

"It was… something like _this_ … I was riding you really hard, you know…"

Marik whispered in his ear as he leaned forward, still eagerly moving his body against the flustered boy underneath him.

"Y-you were?" Ryou squeaked nervously. He felt himself growing hot as he felt the tension forming between them, the tension that always started in his chest, then down to the pit of his stomach, and then finally ending most favorably between his legs. He also couldn't help but notice Marik's excitement as he continued grinding against him. How could he... not remember? He desperately wanted to remember. Especially if it felt _this_ good...

"We can make it… different this time," Marik purred. "And even better than the last."

Even if Ryou wanted to protest, he couldn't have, as his lips were taken by Marik's, almost roughly. Marik's kisses were perfect like that, violent and gentle all at once. It was so easy to give in.

"Mm," Ryou moaned against his mouth, smile lazy and contagious, "so this is our second but first first time…?"

Marik trailed more kisses passionately, expertly down his neck. "It's whatever you want it to be, love… as long as it's not the _last_."

"Never," Ryou returned back as he gave into the foreign, yet all so familiar sensations he felt. "Please, Marik… set me free again. _Release_ me. I'm waiting."

Marik felt his entire body stiffen as Ryou's playful words tickled his ear. "No, you… have to be surprised by it, remember?"

"Don't you think this little confession of yours is surprising enough?

Marik placed fresh teeth marks over the faint ones from earlier that morning. "I suppose... what if I told you this was all just a bad joke?"

Ryou pouted between whimpers. "I'd say you're not funny, and I know you're not joking... you can't surprise me like that."

"Fine. No surprises this time... I promise."

Unsurprisingly, he was okay with that.


End file.
